i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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