Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
