it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
