i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
