stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
