he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
