Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
