im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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