did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
