dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Someone shit on the floor
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
