if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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