can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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