hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
