That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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