if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
