He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You are a genius and a whore.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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