So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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