you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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