Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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