You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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