i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize