Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
