it hurts more in the daytime
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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