Non-Jews are for practice
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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