So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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