I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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