I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
