Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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