I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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