Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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