I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
