If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
