We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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