dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
