Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize