i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
