The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
