capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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