In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
