I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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