my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
