wrigley field is MILF paradise
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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