think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
