the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
