Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
