So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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