why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
