Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize