I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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