I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
