I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
