I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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