I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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