You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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