I'm sorry my penis didn't work
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
