im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
