I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
