I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
