thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
