she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
