So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you didnt know i had herpes?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
