I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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