Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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