I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
