Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
