btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
