Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
