...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
