I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
