those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The adults are the big ones right?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
