i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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