i permit you to call me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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