remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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