Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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