cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
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