Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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