you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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