that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
