He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
