Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
