Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
