if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
