His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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