I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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